It was the end of May, Inverness Canoe Clubs bravest and finest traveled to Pitlochry and the mighty River Tummel. The rest of the club stayed at home as their cars required a jolly good wash.
As soon as the group arrived the big tent went up and the alcohol started to flow , then the food was cooked amidst various semi naked Blondes from the surrounding camps. For some strange reason this did not happen elsewhere, just in view of the Inverness club tent. Reason and deduction explained this to be because the man of steel was leading the club that weekend and females normally had problems keeping their clothes on in his presence. Friday night continued and the drinking got worse as the party started. A fierce and hotly contested drinking competition ensued as the poor behavior and nakedness of the other party revelers got much much worse. Steve MacKinnon won the competition in the early hours of the morning with Ron Gordon coming a close second. For some strange reason they still have not received their club prize's- committee ??
During the night it came out that Ron was in fact the true king of the Black isle - a fact long suspected by his fellows (vassals?) Of the Inverness Canoe Club. After a short struggle back to the tents and van, again past the ever present beautiful available blondes they made it to the sack for three hours shuteye before the race morning briefing.
Next morning the race commenced with everyone attending the briefing bright eyed and bushy tailed, apart from Ron and Steve. Ron was eventually drummed awake by beating his van walls with paddles and Steve who was too far gone was fed coffee dressed and delivered to the shuttle van with his trusty Liquid Logic Huck and Werner paddle.
The race started in varied heats with much success, Donald won his heat Though suffered various abrasions to his face, (use you helmet on the Rock next time, even if it is expensive).
Darrell creamed his opponents, Ron led the way down in front of his followers (as kings do ) but unfortunately got eaten by a stopper half way down on the zig zags and raced no more. The man of steel proved his worth by annihilating all opposition even though being unable to talk properly or focus farther than 50 yards. No vomit either, though it was a close run thing. Proof indeed of his near superhuman powers.
Heat 2. Everyone was knocked out- that was the drink talking I suppose. Still a good effort from all.
Many said on the day Giles Trussell from the lodge secreted some kryptonite under the man of steels kayak seat causing him to kayak so badly, so some others thought it was just he had sobered up and didn't know how to paddle sober ? Interesting theories both, though Giles perhaps proved the truth by only managing to come third overall instead of his deserved first place, and didn't manage to win the event. After effects of handling the kryptonite no doubt. Still full congratulations to him for doing so well even with the radioactive side affects.
Saturday evening and the rest of the girls arrived to raft down which proved a great success after getting off the rocks with no swimmers and down the Lynn of Tummel double fall the right way up. Though plenty of swimming afterwards and an example from Kirsten why you should never borrow wetsuit shorts at short notice, as they started to fight and through each other off the raft. Can't tell a woman can you, they boys said they weren't enough back seats on the raft before they set off.
Then onto another evening of hard drinking with Steve retiring early with the shakes and cold sweats, having won the previous evenings honors. Ron the true king fought on with Rhona for the second night drinking honors, winning in the early hours. Still no prizes either ?
Sunday- the group admitted defeat and ran off to the Perth shire Garry for a pleasant warm, bouncy kayak down and pummeling from the soldiers leap, being unable to face any more nakedness or alcohol. Also being unwilling to face the mud bath, the red bull sponsor mud girls (no bikini’s BAH!) and the state of the living things within the portaloos was becoming somewhat concerning. We could see a dirty protest of sorts was happening but couldn't quite work out what for - faulty and poor quality palm dry suits (if you could call them dry?, no one in ICC does anymore).
Anyway everyone made it home safe and sound albeit with a few bumps scrapes and hangovers. No one was lost to the portaloos, though it was rumored several others were lost to the toilet monsters that had moved into the portaloos on Saturday night. Our thoughts go with them.
